The Lies They Tell

This page contains many of the lies abusers tell us to try and make us stay quiet.


If you tell, no one will believe you.

This is a complete lie. Most people will believe you, especially if you use ideas you find here to pick someone safe to tell.

If you tell, it will hurt your mother.

This is a lie. Your mother may be hurt, but it is because of what he did. Parents are suppsoed to protect their kids. Kids do not have to protect their parents.


If you tell, it will hurt the family.

This is a lie. Your family is being hurt because of what he is doing to you, and maybe even to others. If you tell, you may help some of your familiy grow stronger together.


If you tell, I will hurt or kill you.

This is also a lie. Wait until you are in a safe place (like school or church, and then call 911) Tell them what he said, and what he did. They will protect you. He cannot possible hurt you. He is just saying that because he is afraid you will tell. He knows that people will believe you, and he is scared.


If you tell, it will hurt me.

This is a lie.  If he is truly sorry for what he did, he needs to face the consequences, and let you get help. This is just another lie because he is afraid you will tell.

If you tell, I will hurt someone who love.

This is a lie. He is just afraid of you telling. Wait until you are  someplace safe, and then call 911. If you tell the police what he said, he will not be able to do it.


If you tell, I will hurt your dog.

This is a lie. He is just afraid of you telling. Wait until you are  someplace safe, and then call 911. If you tell the police what he said, he will not be able to do it.


If you tell, poeple will know it was your fault.

This is a complete lie, and it hurts. He is the one at fault. He has alot of tricks, and a lot of lies to make you think it was your fault, but it wasn't- he was the adult, he is at fault.


You seduced me.

This is the biggest lie of all. No matter what you do, no adult should ever touch you an in a sexual way- ever! He is an adult. Children are sometimes curious about sex. Even if a child does something "sexual," the adult is supposed to say NO! The adult should say something like: "It is ok for you to be curious about that. When I was your age, i was too. But it is not ok for me to do that with you. "


Everyone will think you are a freak.

This is a lie. He is the freak, he is the pervert. Some people may not understand, but it is still his shame. Also, if you tell the police, or a teacher, they will keep it private as possible. look at a newspaper if you doubt it- when teh police arrest someone, theye never give out the name of the child invloved. Your friends at school may never know. Even if others do find out, chances are you will end up at a different school where no one else knows about it. You may also want to go to a different school until you are feeling safer and better anyway. This is a big deal, and is worth fixing.


You liked it.

This is a lie. Some things that were done to you may have hurt- some things might have felt good. But, even if it really "felt" good, it does not mean you liked it. Even if he tricked you, so you thought you liked it at first, it is still his fault. Your body is supposed to do things when touched in certain ways.  Even if you hate something being done to you, your body can still respond to it. It is normal for you body to do this. He is the one who is doing soemthing wrong.


You didn't say "No.", or you encouraged me.

All lies. You did whatever you had to to survive- and he was going to do it anyway-  no matter what you said. If you screamed no, he would have just gagged you, or hit you. This is just another lie to try and make you blame yourself for what he did.

Your body made me do it- you are too beautiful, your legs are too nice, etc

LIES!!! You may have a beatiful body, or you may not- but your body did not make him do anything. If your body was truly so beautiful that it "made him do it-" it would have made every other person in your life do it too. Even if many people have hurt you, many more have not. There are teachers who have not hurt you, maybe a minister or priest, a doctor. Many of these people have been alone with you, and did not hurt you. This is just another lie to hide his guilt.


I was drunk- the booze or drugs made me do it.

This is a lie. Drugs an alcohol can take away people's fears- so they do things they might normally be afraid to do. But, it does not make them want to do something different. If he hurt you, it was because he wanted to. Also, after he did it once or twice, he will do it again drunk or not.


I am so lonely, your mother/father/sister etc does not pay enough attention to me.

This is a lie. He is hurting you because he likes to hurt you.  He may be lonely, but that is his problem. Lonely people should get a dog, get a new girlfriend, or find a penpal.


I
am sorry, I will never do it again- just don't tell on me.

This is a lie. He is not really very sorry- just scared of getting caught. As soon as the fear goes away, and he finds a chance, he will do it again.


I was making you stronger.

This is a lie. It hurt you, and it did not make you stronger. He did it to make himself feel good. He didn't care at all about you. This is just a dumb excuse he made up to try and get you to think it was ok.


I love you.

This is a lie. He may love you, but he is sick, and he will keep hurting you until you tell on him. If he truly loves you, he would want to be stopped.


This is our secret.

This is another lie. This is just something he is telling you to keep quiet. An example of a safe secret is when another kid at school tells you they have a crush on someone else. Secrets between adults and kids are never ok if you are not allowed to tell anyone else. For example, if your father has a special gift for your mother- you can keep it secret from her until the big day, but you can talk about it at school, or with your friends. That type of secret is ok.

 

 

Note: To make reading easier, I have always said "he" instead of He/she when talking about the abuser. Many of us are abused by woman- But, no matter who is hurting you, you are not alone, and you can get help.